Post by The Hannahverser on Apr 17, 2016 1:02:05 GMT
The DSLR camera in Rodney’s hands shook with excitement as he captured another local tag-team finding themselves unexpectedly on the receiving end of a loss at the hands of the French Mime Assassins. He was giddy as he rushed along the lane-way of the gym to tell his boss. Rodney waded through a semi-circle of people and tried to get Francis’ attention.
Francis Ford Cuppola: Not now, Rodney.
Francis turned away to continue to address his crew.
Francis Ford Cuppola: As I was saying, we’ve got ten city blocks cordoned off. I’ll need a camera on each rooftop, and one in each crane. I wanna be able to jib, so that’s, what, fifty 70-millimeter film cameras in total for the car chase? Better make it sixty. I don’t want anything going wrong during the fight scene either cause we only get one take and it's all practical effects. You know your jobs people.
Like a break after a huddle the crew dispersed. Francis looked to a fretful Rodney.
Rodney P: What are you doing? The mimes have been training for a week and you haven’t invested a second.
Francis Ford Cuppola: That’s because I don’t understand what they’re saying.
Rodney P: They don’t say anything. They’re mimes!
Francis Ford Cuppola: Exactly. I don’t understand that.
Rodney P: Look.
Frustrated, Rodney P pointed to the Mimes who stayed supple by tugging on invisible rope. Francis blinked.
Rodney P: They’re BEASTS in the ring. Who saw that coming?
Francis Ford Cuppola: As far as anyone knows, I did.
Rodney P: Okay, and while you’ve been doing whatever, they’ve been putting on a clinic for every tag-team they face. We actually stand a chance at winning this tournament. All we have to do is shoot a—
Francis Ford Cuppla: Ut ut—
Francis lifted a finger to silence Rodney.
Francis Ford Cuppola: What do you think I’ve been doing?
Rodney blankly disbelieved.
Francis Ford Cuppola: I’ll be honest. I may have overshot when I said I could train wrestlers. I’ve never wrestled in my life. But I am a filmmaker. And if there’s one thing I know it’s promos. So while you’ve been helping our boys train, nice job by the way, I’ve been plotting their first promo.
Rodney P: A car chase? Choreographed fight scenes? Francis, a promo is the quintessential moment in every wrestler’s life when they articulate who they are and how badly they’re going to beat their opponents.
Francis Ford Cuppola: But remember, Rodney, those right there are mimes. They don’t talk! That’s why I need a car chase and a fight scene and a helicopter to do their talking for them.
Rodney P: How much is this going to cost?
Francis Ford Cuppola: Half a million dollars.
Rodney’s eyes widened.
Rodney P: We’re not spending a half a million dollars on a five-minute promo.
Francis blinked.
Francis Ford Cuppola: Quarter of a mill?
Rodney was grieved.
Francis Ford Cuppola: All right, let’s compromise. Is your camera still rolling? I’ll make some remarks about their match and we can use it in the editor’s cut if it’ll make you happy.
Rodney shook his head, annoyed.
Francis Ford Cuppola: Come on, Rodney. Work with me.
Rodney grudgingly framed the camera on him.
Francis Ford Cuppola: Thank you. Now, who are the Mimes facing?
Rodney pulled out the Tag-Team-Tropolis information.
Rodney P: Let’s see… The Assassins. Lucy and Maxim Seraphina.
Francis burst into laughter.
Rodney P: What?
Francis Ford Cuppola: Seriously, Rodney. Who are they facing?
Rodney P: I told you. The Assassins, Lucy and Maxim—
Francis burst into shaking-head laughter.
Francis Ford Cuppola: That’s a girl’s name!!
Rodney P: …
Francis wiped a tear from his eye.
Francis Ford Cuppola: Well then I’ll just come right out and say what everyone’s thinking: there’s no way guys named Lucy and Maxim will beat men named Comme Çi and Comme Ça.
Rodney P: Francis that IS a girl.
Francis was incredulous.
Francis Ford Cuppola: Really? (blink) Okay... My point stands. This Maxim broad and her brother Lucy are in for a world of hurt. There isn’t a person in this tournament that'll expect the skill of the French Mime Assassins. While their opponents are expecting performance art and jokes, the mimes are thinking massacre, they’re thinking pain, they’re thinking of trapping you inside an invisible box and tossing you off a cliff! There’s no way of knowing what they’re thinking cause they don’t say a word! And NO ONE in this tag tournament is gonna’ see it coming! Not Johnny Bonethuggs—
Rodney P: Bonecrusher.
Francis Ford Cuppola: That’s what I said. Not Jeff Wilder! No one!
Just then.
K: YOU...!
Francis turns to the door of the gym, the camera follows where light spills in and silhouettes two figures wearing ninja masks who stand in the doorway.
K: ...brought those mimes here.
Francis nods proudly.
K: Those mimes killed our cousins!
Francis motions to Rodney.
Francis Ford Cuppola: He did, actually. I told him not to.
Rodney P: Is this part of your script?
Francis Ford Cuppola: No, but keep filming. I wanna see where this goes.
K: I'm K. This is N. We're the Kitchen Ninjas and we’re here to avenge our cousins by facing those mimes in battle. May whoever dies, die well.
K and N exit ominously.
Francis Ford Cuppola: (inexplicably) Who’d have thought a couple mimes would have such a bloody past?
Rodney shrugs. The Mimes intimidate their way outside. Francis and Rodney exchange confused looks before following.
Francis Ford Cuppola: They're ACTUAL assassins?! Told you Lucy and his sister Maxim were in for a world of hurt.
(The resulting Promo will be ready to view in 6 months after post-production wraps.)
Francis Ford Cuppola: Not now, Rodney.
Francis turned away to continue to address his crew.
Francis Ford Cuppola: As I was saying, we’ve got ten city blocks cordoned off. I’ll need a camera on each rooftop, and one in each crane. I wanna be able to jib, so that’s, what, fifty 70-millimeter film cameras in total for the car chase? Better make it sixty. I don’t want anything going wrong during the fight scene either cause we only get one take and it's all practical effects. You know your jobs people.
Like a break after a huddle the crew dispersed. Francis looked to a fretful Rodney.
Rodney P: What are you doing? The mimes have been training for a week and you haven’t invested a second.
Francis Ford Cuppola: That’s because I don’t understand what they’re saying.
Rodney P: They don’t say anything. They’re mimes!
Francis Ford Cuppola: Exactly. I don’t understand that.
Rodney P: Look.
Frustrated, Rodney P pointed to the Mimes who stayed supple by tugging on invisible rope. Francis blinked.
Rodney P: They’re BEASTS in the ring. Who saw that coming?
Francis Ford Cuppola: As far as anyone knows, I did.
Rodney P: Okay, and while you’ve been doing whatever, they’ve been putting on a clinic for every tag-team they face. We actually stand a chance at winning this tournament. All we have to do is shoot a—
Francis Ford Cuppla: Ut ut—
Francis lifted a finger to silence Rodney.
Francis Ford Cuppola: What do you think I’ve been doing?
Rodney blankly disbelieved.
Francis Ford Cuppola: I’ll be honest. I may have overshot when I said I could train wrestlers. I’ve never wrestled in my life. But I am a filmmaker. And if there’s one thing I know it’s promos. So while you’ve been helping our boys train, nice job by the way, I’ve been plotting their first promo.
Rodney P: A car chase? Choreographed fight scenes? Francis, a promo is the quintessential moment in every wrestler’s life when they articulate who they are and how badly they’re going to beat their opponents.
Francis Ford Cuppola: But remember, Rodney, those right there are mimes. They don’t talk! That’s why I need a car chase and a fight scene and a helicopter to do their talking for them.
Rodney P: How much is this going to cost?
Francis Ford Cuppola: Half a million dollars.
Rodney’s eyes widened.
Rodney P: We’re not spending a half a million dollars on a five-minute promo.
Francis blinked.
Francis Ford Cuppola: Quarter of a mill?
Rodney was grieved.
Francis Ford Cuppola: All right, let’s compromise. Is your camera still rolling? I’ll make some remarks about their match and we can use it in the editor’s cut if it’ll make you happy.
Rodney shook his head, annoyed.
Francis Ford Cuppola: Come on, Rodney. Work with me.
Rodney grudgingly framed the camera on him.
Francis Ford Cuppola: Thank you. Now, who are the Mimes facing?
Rodney pulled out the Tag-Team-Tropolis information.
Rodney P: Let’s see… The Assassins. Lucy and Maxim Seraphina.
Francis burst into laughter.
Rodney P: What?
Francis Ford Cuppola: Seriously, Rodney. Who are they facing?
Rodney P: I told you. The Assassins, Lucy and Maxim—
Francis burst into shaking-head laughter.
Francis Ford Cuppola: That’s a girl’s name!!
Rodney P: …
Francis wiped a tear from his eye.
Francis Ford Cuppola: Well then I’ll just come right out and say what everyone’s thinking: there’s no way guys named Lucy and Maxim will beat men named Comme Çi and Comme Ça.
Rodney P: Francis that IS a girl.
Francis was incredulous.
Francis Ford Cuppola: Really? (blink) Okay... My point stands. This Maxim broad and her brother Lucy are in for a world of hurt. There isn’t a person in this tournament that'll expect the skill of the French Mime Assassins. While their opponents are expecting performance art and jokes, the mimes are thinking massacre, they’re thinking pain, they’re thinking of trapping you inside an invisible box and tossing you off a cliff! There’s no way of knowing what they’re thinking cause they don’t say a word! And NO ONE in this tag tournament is gonna’ see it coming! Not Johnny Bonethuggs—
Rodney P: Bonecrusher.
Francis Ford Cuppola: That’s what I said. Not Jeff Wilder! No one!
Just then.
K: YOU...!
Francis turns to the door of the gym, the camera follows where light spills in and silhouettes two figures wearing ninja masks who stand in the doorway.
K: ...brought those mimes here.
Francis nods proudly.
K: Those mimes killed our cousins!
Francis motions to Rodney.
Francis Ford Cuppola: He did, actually. I told him not to.
Rodney P: Is this part of your script?
Francis Ford Cuppola: No, but keep filming. I wanna see where this goes.
K: I'm K. This is N. We're the Kitchen Ninjas and we’re here to avenge our cousins by facing those mimes in battle. May whoever dies, die well.
K and N exit ominously.
Francis Ford Cuppola: (inexplicably) Who’d have thought a couple mimes would have such a bloody past?
Rodney shrugs. The Mimes intimidate their way outside. Francis and Rodney exchange confused looks before following.
Francis Ford Cuppola: They're ACTUAL assassins?! Told you Lucy and his sister Maxim were in for a world of hurt.
(The resulting Promo will be ready to view in 6 months after post-production wraps.)